Trust any movie that allows for a slow motion father-son zombie sack race. Zombieland stays goofy like Evil Dead II while constantly supplying high quality bile-spewing gore. Coming from backgrounds in music videos, late night talk shows & reality TV, the director/writers team decided to segment cinematic moments into mini rock n’ roll montages. Perfect for a zombie fan with a short attention span.

Normally I shutter at the Hollywood habit of gluing disjointed episodes together and charging box office prices, as was the case of the wayward Resident Evil movie franchise. Here, it works!

Zombieland holds up from start to end, most especially for those well-versed in the mythic language of the zombie. Jesse Eisenberg narrates in a coming-of-age tone a la Wonder Years, plainly laying out the rules to survival in a post-human world dominated by the walking dead using a playfully comic motion graphic text. My favorite rule: “Double Tap” -– meaning committing one extra bullet or blunt object-to-the-head in order to make extra sure that Mr. Zombie doesn’t relive for a final dramatic attack.

Zombies of this world maneuver with inconsistent speed and intelligence. Director Ruben Fleischer explained that each zombie turns at a different stage of rigamortis and decay, thus producing a variety of zombies types. Zombieland is not going to change your political outlook or stop you from fucking that chicken. What it will do is entertain both the horror novice and the most jaded zombie expert.

There’s a wonderful celebrity zombie cameo… Don’t look it up, just see the damn movie!

Q: What famous zombie would you like to be eaten by?
I wouldn’t mind being disemboweled by past U.S. presidents like Zombie JFK or Zombie Lincoln.

The Revenant (2009)

I’m a little dazed after so much weird, wild, violent, sexy, scary cinema. No, really. I’m quasi-delirious and am a bit unsure as to what is reality and what I saw in the dark of the matinee theater. The other day my wife caught me referring to a story I claimed was told to me by “a friend.” She had to explain that my friend’s anecdote wasn’t real but rather from a fictional film character in one of the movies we’ve seen at Fantastic Fest.

I reacted with a resounding, “Shit, I could have sworn that really happened!”

The wise festival programmers of the Alamo Drafthouse continue to refer to the type of bizarre films they yearly wrangle as “genre films,” claiming FFest is a “genre festival.” Okay, maybe…but don’t all films lands somewhere in a give genre? Sci-fi, horror, documentary,  animation, crime drama, sex film, etc. They’re all genres, GUH!

I think of Fantastic Fest as a yearly face dive deep in the fringes of exploitation cinema, as in the marginal movies which employ extreme sex, violence & taboo subject material. The good exploitation films challenge my sense. The best exploitation films disturb me and shake my way of thinking.

My favorite zombie films of Fantastic Fest 2009 go as follows:

1. The Revenant – Unpredictable zombie buddy action comedy from Kerry Prior.
2. [Rec] 2 – Spanish supernatural sequel to the terrifying original masterpiece.
3. Full Employment aka “Arbeit für Alle” – German short that will grab you by the gonads.
4. Zombieland – Post-post apocalyptic Hollywood horror well worth watching from reality TV & talk show makers.
5. Daybreakers – Not sure if high functioning super-mod vampires driving around in tricked out Chryslers qualify as zombies, but the fanged reanimated dead do drink blood cappuccinos! Totally creative take on old mythology from the talented Spierig brothers who brought us Undead.
6. Doghouse – British mutant zombie comedy /slash/ commentary on gender relations.

My favorite non-zombie films of Fantastic Fest 2009 go a little something like this:

1. Fish Story aka “Fisshu sutôrî” – An apocalyptic tale for true music lovers.
2. Stingray Sam – An episodic musical western in space!
3. Kenny Begins – Basically a live action Space Quest starring the Swedish Roger Wilco.
4. Consoul – Norwegian short done in 8-bit pixel animation.
5. A Town Called Panic aka “Panique au village” – Simple but wonderfully absurd French animation.
6. House (1977) aka “Hausu” – Mind melting with many similarities to Evil Dead.

I’m fittin’ to attend the annual Fantastic Fest – a crazy-disorienting film festival that prides itself on screening nuttin’ but wonderfully offensive sci-fi, horror, shock cinema. As the word “annual” would suggest, this 8-day film showcase takes place yearly in AUSTIN, TX, USA, EARTH.

Zombieland production still

Once again my significant other and I opted for VIP badges, which come with the hefty pricetag of admission (just under $300) but are no doubt always worth it. In fact, this is the only large film festival we attend because we prefer the company of the film-savy gore hounds who frequent the Alamo Drafthouse.

The best thing about Fantastic Fest is that unlike Sundance, Toronto, Cannes, etc. you ain’t gonna find no corporate industry goons lurking around, hunting for the next commercially successful prime time, video game, cereal box franchise. Yup, no one’s out to buy. It’s just the fans.

Zombies, now more than eva…
Not sure if the living dead-obsessed public knows it, but we got a zombie renaissance going on here:

1. Zombieland – Amateur “Cheers” bartender,  Woody Harrelson beats zombies with style and grace.
2. The Revenant – One dead Iraq War veteran returns home to the states to fuck shit up.
3. [REC 2] – Note the first [REC] (2007) remains awesome and then some. Although to enjoy the film, one must read the Castilian lisp-heavy dialog with Spanish subtitles. So…what followed the next year was a soulless shot-for-shot Hollywood remake called Quarantine (‘cus we Americans can’t read them squiggly words what spell). Yes, I’m excited about this! Damnit, the original freaked my shit out without the hindrance of any boring expositions, explanations, or expected plot conventions.
4. Doghouse – A cannibal disease sweeps through a small British town predominantly populated by women. Coincidentally, some sexist dudes decide to travel to this same town in the hopes of gettin’ totally laid. Looks like buckets o’ blood and gore a plenty!
5. Survival of the Dead – Veteran zombie auteur George Romero goes for the 1-2 punch after his redemptive Diary of the Dead, which happened to premiere at the 2007 Fantastic Fest. I actually got to meet this creative giant (literally & figuratively). Mr. Romero was friendly, articulate and chill, an impressive feat in the face of an army of anxious fanboy zombie nerds. Speaking of which, I had the opportunity to ask (or axe) the man a question that had been bothering me:

REC production still

Me: “Do your zombies ever die or starve to death due to the eventual exhaustion of their food resources.”

George: “In my films, I will never answer that question. I think that is one of those fill-in-the-blanks we must each individually resolve on our own.”

At first I found this an unsatisfying response until a friend later explained her theory on zombie longevity. She said, “Zombies are simply the new dominant species. Humans had their chance…” Basically claiming a new biological paradigm enters with the arrival of the zombie apocalypse and the rapid demise of the human race.

Regardless of your personal theories on undead biology, stay tuned. I’m going to be reviewing the above zombie films and more from upcoming Fantastic Fest 2009.