Trust any movie that allows for a slow motion father-son zombie sack race. Zombieland stays goofy like Evil Dead II while constantly supplying high quality bile-spewing gore. Coming from backgrounds in music videos, late night talk shows & reality TV, the director/writers team decided to segment cinematic moments into mini rock n’ roll montages. Perfect for a zombie fan with a short attention span.

Normally I shutter at the Hollywood habit of gluing disjointed episodes together and charging box office prices, as was the case of the wayward Resident Evil movie franchise. Here, it works!

Zombieland holds up from start to end, most especially for those well-versed in the mythic language of the zombie. Jesse Eisenberg narrates in a coming-of-age tone a la Wonder Years, plainly laying out the rules to survival in a post-human world dominated by the walking dead using a playfully comic motion graphic text. My favorite rule: “Double Tap” -– meaning committing one extra bullet or blunt object-to-the-head in order to make extra sure that Mr. Zombie doesn’t relive for a final dramatic attack.

Zombies of this world maneuver with inconsistent speed and intelligence. Director Ruben Fleischer explained that each zombie turns at a different stage of rigamortis and decay, thus producing a variety of zombies types. Zombieland is not going to change your political outlook or stop you from fucking that chicken. What it will do is entertain both the horror novice and the most jaded zombie expert.

There’s a wonderful celebrity zombie cameo… Don’t look it up, just see the damn movie!

Q: What famous zombie would you like to be eaten by?
I wouldn’t mind being disemboweled by past U.S. presidents like Zombie JFK or Zombie Lincoln.

Haitian Voodoo Zombie: A spicy mix of whip-your-ass missionary technology and several different flavors of indigenous Latin/African religions. They don’t eat your brains but will labor endlessly for the benefit of their master(s). These O.Z. voodoo zombies can carry out complex tasks at the beckoning call. Seriously, you can get these zombies to wash your dirty undies and sell Amway to your neighbors.

Modern Cannibal Zombies: Quite different from the O.Z. (original zombies). These dead predators tend to become overwhelmed with the munchies for human intestines, brains, spleen, etc. Far less intelligent than his voodoo cousin, the modern zombie wanders aimlessly much like an awakened mummy.

Whether your zombie literature of choice dates back to religious mysticism or government-sponsored bioterrism, all zombies are weaponized with eternal existence and a powerful drive to live that most of us shabby humans can only afford after several cups of strong coffee.

Mummy types lay at rest under sand and large sculpture art. Zombie types ponder their dinner 6 feet deep in clay soil with a gravestone atop their heads. If the multitude of literary zombie myths adhere to the consistently singular premise of the medically deceased returning to a quasi-living state, then unequivocally, mummies and zombies exist in the same genus.

Stop hatin’ on my wrapped peeps! Mummies are zombies, too.

HURRAY! The rabid zombie-obsessed community has taken to the streets with public zombie art.

I suppose it was inevitable, as most of us humans generally get stuck on ever-anxious fantasies of death & questions of the afterlife. Modern zombism possibly seems like an ugly god fearing christian wet dream for those left behind…or maybe a purgatory (what with the catholic guilt involved with eating your family and friends).

Therefore, the constant obsession over dealing with “real live” zombies has pushed some of us have taken to stencils & wheat paste. Graffiti aka public art is hittin’ yo’ hood, block, street, gated community or whateva. Keep up the good work, deviant artists!